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Jokes and stuff

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Here are jokes, pics, and all sorts of stuff that u might want to eye at...

A man walked into a therapist's office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

"What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

"Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

"My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person, and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office a bit excited. Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

"Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

"It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

"So, what's your problem?"

"I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."

How to change your grade

Dear Sir,

My grade in _________ should be raised from ___ to ___ because:

1. There must be a mistake somewhere.

2. I was not well at the time of the examination.

3. My mind always goes blank during an examination.

4. This mark ruined my prospect of getting a scholarship.

5. This is the only course in which I received a poor grade

6. This mark grieved my mother (or Father). whose pride I am.

7. Conditions in the room were not conductive to concentration.

8. The examination was unfair and unfairly distributed over the subject

9. I have to work after school and nights; therefore I should be given a break.

10. I am married; therefore, I should be given a break.

11. I would have done much better if I had taken the examination give to one of the other sections.

12. Several people around me copied from my paper during the examination yet they received higher marks than I did. Surely this is not fair.

13. The reason I did not do better is because I am very honest. I do no wish to say anything against any other members of the class.

14. I know many of the class members who do not work as hard as I do an who got a better grade. I am recognized among my classmates as a good student - you just ask any one of them.

15. The question were ambiguous, and therefore, my answers should be graded according to the reasonable interpretations that I made of your questions.

16. Many of the questions could not be answered with straight facts; they were matters of opinion. I do not believe I should be penalize just because my opinions differ from those of the instructor.

17. I have studied this subject from the broad philosophical viewpoint and therefore, I was unable to answer your technical-based question

18. I am philosophically oriented to the realm of ideas; I respond to the sweep and scope of great intellects. My work is beyond the interest in petty details and parrot-like memorizing of those who are merely students

19. At the time of the exam, I was suffering from a severe case of cognitive dissonance and was incapable of coping with the stress of the hour.

20. It is not a higher mark I seek; I care nothing about marks; I think marks are wicked and I disapprove of them. However, this pernicious system of which I am a victim requires marks for achieving success and therefore, I seek a higher mark.

Thank you,
Name: ________

How to find your inner peace
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start.

So far today, I have finished 2 bags of chips, 5 mince pies, a tub of ice-cream, 9 chocolate bars, then i flushed em down with some chocolate

I feel better already!!

Crystal Meffin'

I'm only way meffin, i'm only messin, trespassing, crystal

meffin'. I'll brake your fucking face and i'll nick your redd

in then i'll kick your head in, then i'll kick your head in.

Then i'll start grebbin. At passes by, cars and busses, you

are all a bunch of fuckin' pussies. This is a Devvo rap.

Smoke it, toke it, deal it, break it. Smoke it toke it, deal

it, deal it. Smoke it, smoke it, smoke it. Swap's got one

need, swap's got one need, Hand.. Mess believe'z, i'm a

wannabe'z, i'm a mother fuckin' prodigy'z, i'm a mother

fuckin' prodigy, africa, jamiaca, india and brighton. Fuck

you i'm always fighting, droppin a "E". And i'm nicking your

purse. My mate Lee bosses E's like you wont belie'z, jailed

out plea'z. He's not a bellend, he's not a bellend, let's

'ave a squitsy on your jebend. That's a ciggy, or a

rollie-e-e-e. I'm not fuckin' bovverd-bovverd-bovverd.

BOVVERD!! BOVVERD!! Dick'ed. Maximum in da area. Fuckin' bed

wetter, I want your sweater, sell it on forge ma markets for

a tenner, Probably won't get.. that much, it fuckin frupe at

lume innit. No-one buys frupe at lume anymore. E's the E, im

not a geeza, i'm a microphone teaser. Croud.. pleaser.

Sweattin' like a beaver, get your rat out, get your rat out,

sweattin' like a beaver. Get your rat out, get your rat out,


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